Vegetarian pricks I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the „grill of death“, as you so quaintly put it.

You’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too.

They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday.

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that soon begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party – or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays a re allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply „No Sugar“ desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table…you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, „AA Only,“ you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘ Holiday Party.’ The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 24th, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…please feel free to sing along.

And don’t be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets..

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Für Schnellentschlossene, denen noch ein paar Weihnachtsgeschenke fehlen, hat Jan interessante Tipps rund ums gute Essen.

Die Jugendlichen bildeten aus dem umgangssprachlichen Begriff Hartz IV, der unter anderem für das offizielle Arbeitslosengeld II steht und bereits im Jahr 2004 von der Gesellschaft für deutsche Sprache (GfdS) zum Wort des Jahres gewählt wurde, das Verb „hartzen“. Der Begriff bedeutet „arbeitslos sein“ oder „rumhängen“.

In a Japanese hotel:  „You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.“

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. Get it in his mouth.

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